Empathy costs nothing..

When a girl is molested/raped, stop asking the girl accusingly, “What were you wearing? Why were out so late?”

When a woman moves out of an abusive relationship, stop telling her, “Why did you walk out? You should have tried harder and adjusted.”

When a child is dealing with body image issues, stop jibing, “Oh my God! Look at you. Do something about your body. You look so ugly.”

When a student goes outside to study and dies under unfortunate circumstances, stop asking the parents, “Why did you send him/her to study abroad?”

Don’t say or ask all these; you never know you might be in their place one day. You never realize the pain until it has happened to you or your loved ones.

A little empathy doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t cost anything..

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Take social media with a pinch of salt..

Over the past few years social media has taken over the world.  In some ways or the other, we all have become a part of the “social media family.”  While it has been a boon in many ways like long-lost friends getting connected with each other again, help from various groups and getting to interact with like-minded people, knowing many wonderful things just at the click of a button.  But social media has its drawbacks too!  Yes, this is me saying, someone who is very active on the social media.

Social media has made people selfish and competitive in the wrong way.  We all know that people post photos of their happy moments and we fall for it.  We envy the happy faces, the exotic holidays, the achievements, some men/women becoming more successful, and so on.  Most “social media friendships” nowadays have become “friendship with benefits.”  A person meets another influencer or tries to find ways by which he/she can benefit from the other.  Social contacts have become more of selfish contacts.

What is to be done?  Like everything, this is also needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.  One should know when to step back, where to draw the line, and use intuition to judge right from wrong, friend from selfish interest.  One should realize that the virtual world is a lot different from the real world.

In virtual world one fights with a stranger, one judges a stranger, one can get affected by the people whom one has never met! 

So, next time you are envious of a virtual post just step back and take a chill pill.  You do not know what’s going on in his/her real life.  Next time, someone judges you in the virtual world, laugh it off.  They don’t know you as a person.  Next time some virtual friend calls you his/her best buddy after one meeting accept it graciously but don’t be too elated.  You might encounter a heartbreak when that “buddy” might malign you once the selfish interest is over!

Your life is more than the social media.  Be more social rather!

Not an ideal but an awesome woman I am!

It was the second day of a painful period and I was craving tandoori chicken. I ordered one for myself and ate it to my heart’s content.

I defied all the norms and qualities of a “good and ideal” woman, wife and mom:
1. I ordered it, did not stand in the kitchen heat and make it from the scratch.
2. I had the whole thing for myself.
3. I did not eat any leftover last piece stating that I am not hungry.
4. I was the first one to eat as I was hungry.
5. I ordered a dish of my choice and not simply what my family liked. I like to prioritize my choices too.
6. I pampered myself and expressed my pain in front of my family without trying to camouflage it with a fake smile or stating “I am fine.” I refused to silently bear the pain without sharing the anguish with my children and husband.

And surprisingly despite not fitting in the “ideal and good” category, I am an awesome woman, wife and mother! 😉

#bethechange
#prioritizeyourself

Learn to deal with kids

What gives the teachers or for that matter any adult to berate or humiliate a child? My daughter’s friend mentioned to her yesterday that her tuition teacher of a so-called reputed tuition class yells and berates her almost daily. This is shaking her confidence. The parents aren’t able to connect with the higher authorities to complain.The otherwise simple bubbly girl is become dull and anxious.

Why don’t some teachers/adults have the bandwidth to deal with kids, especially teenagers? Yelling, bullying, humiliating doesn’t motivate them, it damages their spirit, their confidence, their belief in themselves.The pressure of scoring well shouldn’t be the only objective always. Such teachers/adults need to understand child psychology well. Unfortunately, most of them are unequipped to do so.

Mom guilt

My son got his specs at age 7, my daughter had her periods at age 10, my kids have hurt themselves innumerable times, and so on, but one thing what I have always tried to avoid was “mom guilt”. I never blamed myself for my son having specs at a young age as the eye specialist had told it was due to genetics, I never blamed myself for my daughter having her period early, as hormones are beyond my control, I never blamed myself for cuts and bruises that my kids endured. Instead of blaming myself, I had always asked myself, “How do I handle the situation now to the best of my ability?” And that’s exactly what I did, and I must say I handled them well!

Day in and day out , I see moms feeling guilty about things which are beyond their control or just a bad timing. As such, the world is harsh on mothers, blaming them all the time rather than appreciating their efforts; so as mothers its time we are kind to ourselves. If its unintentional, its fine and even if its intentional let’s simply apologize and rectify. At the end of the day, we all want the best for our kids and our love for them is what matters…

Don’t stop the child from expressing..

Society, parents, school teach the children to be honest and have their opinion, yet I always feel that when children, especially teenagers, put forth their honest opinions and views many parents, elders, teachers do not take it well. A child who doesn’t want to toe the line is usually termed “rebellious” or “mannerless”. A teacher-pleasing student or people-pleasing individual is applauded more than the honest one. No wonder many children eventually stop giving their honest opinions.

Don’t stop your children from expressing, from discussing, from being honest if you want holistically developed children and society.

Mental health of a child matters the most..

My son’s childhood friend has always been a brilliant student and is now pursuing engineering from country’s one of the best colleges. My son met him day before as he has come down for Diwali vacation and my son told me that his friend has decided to take a break of 6 months from engineering. The studies and the pressure has taken a toll on him and he started getting panic attacks and black outs. His parents took him to a counselor and the boy decided to take a break and pursue his other hobby, photography. After 6 months, he will take a call as to what will be his next step. His parents are totally supportive and have the left the decision to him.

I am extremely happy to know that the parents chose their son’s mental health over academics or rat race. He is the youngest child and his parents are in their late 50s and early 60s, but they have chosen their son’s happiness. That’s how parents should be! This decision has not been easy for the boy since he has always been a brilliant student, but nothing matters more than mental health.
Good to see many parents supporting the happiness and mental well being of their children rather than worrying about “chaar log”, money spent or what will happen in the future! A happy child matters the most.

Taken for granted things in life

Things that are taken for granted when everything is fine

1. Good health.

2. Good appetite.

3. Sound sleep.

4. Loving spouse.

5. Well brought up children.

6. Parents and siblings.

7. Good stable source of income.

8. Helpful people.

9. Good friends and relatives.

10. Education and money.

11. Peace of mind.

12. Sound mental health.

13. Happiness.

14. Confidence and inner strength.

15. People who are still around you and alive. Life is unpredictable.

Don’t push away people and relations when you are at your prime..

As I grow older, I look around me and see equations changing, tables turning. Its just a matter of may be 2 or 3 decades but one thing that I notice is people who were young, powerful and with authority once have become older now and ones whom they dominated have grown young and powerful. Now that child is a young person and the young person is more or less powerless and repentant (might not admit though!).

The authoritarian can be a parent, a teacher, a relative, a boss, a neighbor, someone with more power, money, beauty and good health. They forget nothing remains permanent, that change is the only constant. The damage that they do is forgotten by them, but not by the one who bears the brunt of that damage. Someone prettier and richer than you might have mocked you and now he/she might have lost that youth, beauty and power. A parent who might have been emotionally or physically detached or abusive wants the grown-up child to shower him/her with love and emotions.

Don’t push away people and relations when you are at your prime. Don’t let your ego ruin everything. Some day you will lose your prime and the one who was weaker will be in his/her prime. Those lost years, damaged relations, hurt and bruised hearts won’t just mend magically. Be good, be nice when you have all the energy, money, youth, beauty and time because by the time you realize your follies it might be too late to mend the broken hearts and relations.

Lessons of life..

As a part of a committee in his college, my son has to make cold calls to various people for sponsorship. As a part of the service industry, I know how these calls work. I told my son about how some people might be rude, some might disconnect calls, some might ask to call later, and some might show interest. All-in-all he would encounter various kinds of people in these calls and that he needs to stay calm and neutral in all the calls.

As a youngster, its not easy to take rejections or deal with rude people, but that’s another aspect of life. Dealing with rejections and handling various kinds of people will be a part of life. Now, the advice and ideas given to the children are in another tangent 🙂