Let’s talk and not hush..

So, what were me and my teen son discussing today? Banning of the condom ads in the primetime! Guess what, the discussion was initiated by my son. He was reading an article on his WhatsApp and that’s were we both started having this discussion. He discussed how as a country we were hypocrites where the population explosion was a reality, where sexually transmitted diseases was a reality, where unwanted pregnancies was a reality, yet we don’t want to discuss sex or contraception.
I told him that discussing all this was still a taboo in our country! Parents feel that discussing about contraception or sex will pollute the young minds, people believe it will ruin our “culture”! Parents cannot watch such ads with their children as it embarrasses them, even grown-up married children can’t! Sex is still considered “dirty”!
My son was totally exasperated and hoped that my generation of parents will bring the change. I was happy that a country where the adults are still prudish about watching or talking about condoms and contraception, my teen son viewed it from a totally different angle. May be we can tone down the ads, but again pretending as if sex or procreation doesn’t exist and that these ads will have adverse affects still reeks of hypocrisy..

She’s still a child..

Another chapter of parenting starts now, preparing my growing-up daughter to handle the stares of random men out there. Today my 10-year-old daughter came home from school and stated how an auto driver was staring at her and giving her a “strange” smile. She felt weird. My daughter is tall for her age and has started showing slight changes in her body, yet she is still a child. I had to tell her very frankly that this is just the beginning for a girl, that she will have to face many such stares, touches in the future, and that she needs to be strong. She needs to tell us always. She needs to fight it, yet sometimes ignore as one never knows what kind of antisocial element that man can be!
Asking my daughter to be fearless, cautious, and learn to live with the fact that these stares and “strange” smiles are going to be a part of her life from hereon now was not a nice feeling at all, yet I know that this is the truth which is inevitable.

True Love never dies..

Day in and day out, I keep reading and observing failed marriages, dragging marriages, couples falling out of love after a couple of years, monotony and in a gist dead relationships. After many days, all over the Internet today, have been reading about “true love” and how the death of a spouse can shatter a person totally.
In all the obituaries and respects being paid to the late actor Shashi Kapoor, his love for his wife Jennifer is mentioned and that how he became a shattered and changed person after her death and could never really be normal emotionally and physically again. Jennifer succumbed to cancer three decades ago and Shashi Kapoor also changed in those three decades.
This was such a refreshing read. This reiterated the fact that true love is beyond nationality, religion and age.

Ten things my mom’s generation didn’t face!

This is an era of social media with loads of information thrust on our face daily!  There are tons of women and parenting forums out there.  A lot of information is available but sometimes I feel the overload of information and “gyaan” gets onto the nerves.

My mom’s generation had no exposure of this kind.  Though I sometimes feel, they missed out on a few things because of this, at the same time I feel they were a lot less burdened due to the lack of exposure.  Don’t believe me?

  1.  The war of stay-at-home moms (SAHM) versus working moms.  Women in the bygone era also had working women and SAHM but I guess they did what they did without justification or fighting.  Nowadays the choices are questioned, ridiculed, judged..
  2. Normal delivery versus cesarean section.  The rate of C-section has increased a lot over the years, but this is mainly because of more awareness, medical advancement, and facilities.  Still the war continues.  I always believe ultimately a safe delivery is what matters.
  3. Breastfeeding versus formula feeding.  I am done with the number of posts I have read about this!  Our mom’s generation also did both feeds, may be few nosy neighbors or aunts must have given them “gyaan” but now its thrust on the face daily!  New moms are literally made to feel guilty..
  4. Somewhere because of social media along with awareness the spontaneity and mother’s instinct of the moms gets challenged.  Everything is made to be scary; be it food, school, learning to walk and what not!
  5. Any and everything causes cancer!  I am seriously appalled to see these fake, unauthentic posts.  Agreed that things are not as pure as they used to be but throwing the word cancer just like that is totally uncalled for.
  6. Confusing naughtiness of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  A toddler will be naughty but moms using the word hyperactive casually is something that I don’t get.  Our mom’s generation didn’t know about ADHD and brought us up the typical Indian way!
  7. Instilling scare in the moms.  I read posts and blogs where moms are made to believe that scolding or punishing the child causes psychological problems or detachment in the children.  I believe every mom knows her limit and she wouldn’t punish or scold her child to make him/her a psychological wreck!  I guess we grew up to a lot more scoldings and sometimes spanking (I don’t support beating the child), but we didn’t start hating our parents or becoming psychologically affected.
  8. Make special dishes for the kids.  We were served whatever was made and we ate it quietly.  Special dishes were made only on special days.  I believe our generation kids were a lot more non-fussy in terms of food.
  9. Be content with life.  Our moms’ generation didn’t have a lot of luxuries like we do.  But still they were content.  Today thanks to social media we tend to compare our life with others.  We compare the materialistic possessions, holidays, kids’ schools and growth, clothes, etc. and start feeling jealous or inferior.
  10. Feminism.  Though feminism is a very good thing for women emancipation, sometimes I feel women going overboard and distorting feminism.  There were women in the past generation who believed in feminism and gender equality, but did it in their own subtle way.

Reinventing yourself post 35..

Gone are the days when post 35 people started feeling old and worthless.  Now times are such that there is no age for reinventing oneself.  The more you reinvent the lesser depressed you are. It keeps happier and productive.

We are blessed to be at an era of social media where there is so much of exposure.  We can learn so much, follow so many things.

Here are few tips of reinventing oneself post 35:

  1.  By the time one is 35, he/she is already at a mid level of their work.  Sometimes it gets monotonous, sometimes tiring.  One can always learn new things.  Join a course which might help you in furthering your career ahead.
  2.  Nowadays many people, specially women who have taken a sabbatical or looking to do something of their own, are interested in becoming entrepreneurs.  Entrepreneurship is not as easy as it seems to be.  First of all, be sure to face the hurdles, struggles and disappointments in the early days.  Skill and equip yourself in the area of interest of your entrepreneurship.  Don’t just become an entrepreneur just because others are taking the plunge!
  3. If you are a homemaker, instead of lamenting and self-pitying, renew your skills and hobbies.  Start doing what you always loved to do but didn’t have the time for.  Join a hobby class of your interest.  Learn something new.  Its never too late to learn anything.  Create your own world which is only yours, without husband, kids and extended family.
  4. Take care of your health.  Post 35 energy levels are not the same as in the 20s.  Also health issues do crop up.  Get a regular health checkup.  Take it easy if need be.  Take care of your diet, exercise after consulting with a doctor.
  5. Don’t shy away from learning from the youngsters.  In certain areas nowadays the youngsters are more knowledgeable.  Ask them, talk to them, believe me you will learn a lot!
  6. Get a makeover!  Its not self-obsession, its boosts confidence immensely.  No need to spend loads of money.  A simple wardrobe overhaul, haircut, or change in look will do wonders!
  7. Learn to forget and forgive.  Be more positive.  Learn to let go off few things.  I believe that’s what maturity is all about.  Don’t be the one whom youngsters would find very rigid!  Learn to adapt to changes. Stop sulking over the past and holding grudges.  If you don’t like someone, simply stop interacting or be extremely formal!
  8. Go out, attend events of your liking, meet new people.  I have met so many wonderful people at such events who are doing such awesome and different things.  Its really so motivating.
  9. Start living for yourself too.  Stop bothering about what others think about you.  You can’t please everyone.  This is the phase where you are mature yet not too old!
  10. Spend time with your family.  Your kids are growing up, your spouse is growing older.  Enjoy each day with them.

Ageing is beyond our control, but ageing gracefully and learning everyday is something which is in our control.  So folks, don’t stop reinventing..

Growth of a child

There is nothing more joyous than a mom watching her child grow everyday.  Since the time he/she is conceived, everyday the mother feels her child growing and with that the eternal journey of motherhood begins.  The bump, the kicks, the movements connects more to her child and the love grows each day.

After the child is born, each milestone of the child is cherished.  The first smile, first turn, first reaction, first words, everything.  The first step taken by the child is like a celebration, the first time the child blabbers Maammaa or Baabba the parents are teary eyed.  When a mother sees the child successfully write the first alphabet or write the numbers correctly its a major accomplishment for her.
Over the years, the growing up pattern and issues change.  As the child grows, the mother sees him/her dealing with the real world, the bullies, the competition, the peer pressure.  The mother sees her child fall, get hurt and rise again to face all odds with head held high.  That growth of the child makes the mother proud and reassured.
When the son gets a thin line of moustache, his voice breaks, he grows taller than the mother, is worldly wise..that growth amuses as well as gives an immense happiness.  When a daughter becomes a friend, a confidante, a pretty wise lady, a strong individual..the mom is happy and proud.
The happiness of a mom seeing her children grow into strong individuals and happy in their life is immeasurable…

Is negativity the new fad?

Miss World 2017, Manushi Chhillar’s winning reply created a debate across social media.  Her victory and the fact that an Indian girl won the Miss World title after 17 years was kind of overlooked.  Tumhari Sulu, a movie which tried to show women empowerment and emancipation, was criticized because of the nature of the job of the woman.  She was supposedly doing an “indecent job” by talking sensuously to strangers at night!  In both the cases more than the men it was the women who were opposing, criticizing and debating.

Agreed that motherhood is not a profession, but for years now homemakers and mothers have been wanting respect, recognition, and love.  When a girl tries to highlight this and on a world platform tries to give motherhood and all the mothers respectability, appreciation and recognition that is also criticized.  For a moment, lets forget that folly of Manushi of mistaking motherhood as a profession, lets simply appreciate the fact that she highlighted motherhood.

The whole point of the movie Tumhari Sulu was overlooked only because the main character decided to be a late-night RJ!  Why didn’t the women who criticize try to understand the fact that it was trying to show how so many women have so many dreams and are capable of achieving so much!

Why does everything have to be scrutinized to the point of being negative?  Overlooking and ignoring small things and appreciating the bigger picture isn’t acceptable by some people.   Every thing needs to be nitpicked and criticized.  Yes, I am an optimist and I would like to see the positive aspects here.  There are enough things which are genuinely negative and need criticism.

Just chill and don’t make negativity a fad..