Don’t wait for the change, be the change..

Let me put a disclaimer that this is not to hurt anybody.  This is totally my opinion of what I feel.

Of late, I have been seeing multiple posts not just on this forum but across many forums how most Indian married women are unhappy.  Of course, most of them are given the conditioning of the girls and treatment meted out by the in-laws and husband.  But is this unhappiness something new?  No, it isn’t.  We have heard our mothers and their generation of women lamenting about the way most married women are made to feel like “maids”, outsiders, treated as child-bearing machines, insulted, humiliated, didn’t care about the woman’s dreams or aspirations, etc., etc.  Even our grandmother’s generation had the same issues, only they accepted it as their fate and vocalized less about it.

Why is it decades go by but the condition of women still remain the same?  Why is that despite better education and some progress in the society, the basic status of women remains the same?  Why is that still most women don’t get complete acceptance by the husband and his family as a part of the family?  Why is that still women have to question that “mera ghar kaunsa hai?”  Why is that still girls are conditioned that marriage is the ultimate goal and husband the “parmeshwar”!

One reason for this is despite education and progress, still the norm that this is the custom and “yehi chalta aaya hai” and “duniyadaari” still dominates all the thought processes.  Though there are many parents who encourage their daughters to pursue their dreams and marry when they wish to still once the girl turns 20-22 parents want to get her married off.  They should give the daughter equal opportunities as they give their son! Give them financial and emotional independence..

Now coming to husband and in-laws.  Isn’t it ironical that the women who may be 30 years ago complained about the treatment by her mother-in-laws treats her own daughter-in-law in the same manner?  Instead of changing her attitude and realizing that how the treatment hurts the daughter-in-law she herself repeats the same behavior.  Agreed that there might be some jealousy or possessiveness as its human nature, but instead of trying to get over those feelings again the same story repeats!

So, are our daughters and daughters-in-law going to write and lament similar sad stories 30 years down the line?  Will there be no change in the outlook?  Who is going to bring the change?  Of course, WE are going to bring the change.  Let’s please make the girls and later on daughters and daughters-in-law happy!  Its high time the change is brought instead of waiting for somebody else to bring the change.  Let’s raise the sons to believe in equality and let us change the mindset of daughters-in-laws are outsiders!

People lament that joint family system is slowly crumbling but where the members lack respect and love for each other it is bound to crumble.  Lets teach both the daughters and sons keeping harmony in a family is every member’s responsibility and not just the daughter-in-law’s.  Let everyone try to make some sacrifices, some adjustments and not just the daughter-in-law.

Let no girl of the next generation feel that she has no home of her own..

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